I got mine, you better get yours!

Now that line was taken from Bernie Mac's performance on the Kings of Comedy. While he was talking about an orgasm, I am referring to...well, an orgasm, but one achieved by non-coital means.
Now I am sure this has been talked about a lot, blogged about to no end, but the reason I am bringin' this up is due to a conversation that I had recently with one of my best friends.

First let me tell you about her. I have been knowing...well, let's call her "Delta", for about 3 yrs. We really didn't start getting close until about two years ago. We originally met through another friend a year or so prior to my returning from deployment in early '04. Why she wasn't already married and having baby showers every year, I don't know. Beautiful woman with an even more beautiful personality and heart. We hung out a lot, be it going to clubs, or bars or whatever. Hell, I will blog about one other incident regarding her before the day is over. But for now, let's get into the conversation.

She made a statement to me and another friend of mine while we were out on my lanai (balcony, patio...I got you) drinking and smoking a cigarette. Now I don't know why it came out her mouth, or even what we were talking about at the time. Maybe we were talking about relationships or meeting people in the club or bars. I don't remember,anyway, she said that if a guy doesn't like to perform oral sex then he can basically just keep walking. No need engaging in conversation. Not that it would be the key point for her to talk to him, just that if it does progress to sex later on in whatever courtship that might evolve, that it could be an issue. Now I raised an eyebrow and I began to think, "Where the hell did that come from? I wonder what the hell...

is going on...
...in her mind? I'm sorry. Some of those were my thoughts, I'm sure. A certain someone, who for now, we will call "Princess", faked me out on bringing me some Coldstone two days in a row. Yeah, her crown is getting a little too tight. (j/k, J) Moving on, I guess I understood her gripe. I know I expect a female to hook me up, maybe not on the first date, but not too much longer after that. But I know how I feel about doing the same for someone that I really don't know that well. I don't do it! I have to get in real good and know her for a while before I even consider performing that act. I know it ain't fair, but...well, it ain't fair. Don't get me wrong, I like hooking my girl up. Did you see the peaches? Nah, but I just don't make it a habit of burying my face in everyone. Not a good practice.

Now I am sitting here listening to her complaints. They are the usual. Not saying that they aren't warranted, I'm just saying that it is the same argument. I thought that we as men have gotten past the high school stuff. You know, where you sit with your fellas and say something like, "As long as my (expletive) still gets hard, I don't need to eat no (expletive)!"

Well there was this one guy in school who got busted out in the cafeteria by one of his ex-girlfriends about their past bedroom experiences. Apparently he enjoyed going down on her. What's messed up is that I am certain she enjoyed it too, but at this particular moment she felt the need to bust him out in front of all his boys. Now we were all over him. Laughing, joking, and prodding him for the rest of the time we were in High School. Freshmen knew him as "Beaver". I look back on that day and realize, well he was dumb by all conventional means, but he was way ahead of us when it came to that. No wonder his ass didn't stay without a woman for long. I mean, even though he wasn't the best looking cat in the world, he always had someone waiting in the wings. Interesting... I guess we coulda learned something from him.

Hearing Delta express her feelings made me realize that there are people still out there who haven't graduated. Though happily in a relationship now, she still remembered some encounters, I guess. I just never really had that problem. If I didn't want to go down on a female I just fell asleep. But the subject did kinda catch me by surprise. You know, the unspoken,"You do me and I'll do you." I remember some comedian said, "Whoever doesn't get done first, doesn't get done." That might have even been Bernie Mac too. Can't remember but that is sometimes painfully true. How many times have you finished her up and then she cleverly pulls you up and whispers in your ear for you to handle your business? Women are smarter than we could ever be. I usually tell 'em, "In a minute, but you got some business you need to tend to." As for the selfish people out there...I can't hate. If they keep coming back then what you are giving them is enough. If you don't get any callbacks then...well, I guess as long as you got yours...