And me, with no asbestos underwear!

Okay. I have been put on blast for the last time. People feeling the need to talk to others about things that I do, or shyt I say, or places I've been. Why?

***I know you read this so you do know that I am talking about you. Why would you put your girl through that?***
That was a little personal note for the person responsible for this post. I would've addressed her direct but I don't know her email address. (J, you already know the story so just look at the pictures)

I know I am not Sherlock Holmes but I too have attained the title of Master Sleuth. The trail? Not bread crumbs but more like a landing strip found at your nearest airport.



Now I am usually calm, cool and collected when it comes to handling even the most stressful situations. Like Mace Windu, (Yeah, I referenced Star Wars…forgive me) my powers come from looking for, and finding, the “Shatterpoint” of any situation. The one spot which, even with the slightest touch, can bring anything crashing down to it's knees.

Okay, let me back up before I lose you. Now, I am currently in between relationships. Why? Because I just am, dammit. Nah, I wasn’t dating anyone serious before because I was getting underway for deployment, which I am currently still on. Well that, coupled with the fact that I didn’t want to be bothered when I didn’t want to be bothered, ya dig? Now why go ahead and start dating someone when you know you don’t really know them that well to be holding them for six months to the whole, “I trust you” and “I know you will be there when I get back” type of thing. What makes you think someone else won’t come along and swoop her up? I mean, if you have only been kicking it for little over a month why give someone else six months? It’s not fair to both of you. That and the fact that I don't know you or feel you like that.

Well my problem begins with a friend of mine. Not him directly, but he got me into all this. He started dating a woman who I thought was cool by all conventional means. Well call her Eve. She would call me up on my cell and tell me problems they were having and ask me not to tell him about the conversations. Now, I didn't think that I was betraying him all. I would listen and try to tell her what she should do without underminding anything that was going on with them. So I'm thinking we cool, right?

So she hooks me up with one of her friends. I mean, I had no problem really finding a woman to hang out with if even for a night or two when I seriously needed it, but I guess they felt that I should belong to somebody. The first friend…fine as hell. We hang out a little. Do whatever, but then I find out she was married. Well, I am not going to even get into that right now. That’s another story unto itself. Let’s just say that their credibility was shot from then on. After some effort she tells me that she has someone else she wants me to meet. Feeling a little reluctant, I give in one day. We meet and we hit it off pretty good, I guess. She, well, lets call her...

She's cool. I mean we would hang out over each other's crib, do whatever and be cool about it.
Everything seems to be alright until one day she looks out her window to find the ground covered with...

...feelings!!! And they were still falling from the sky (Okay, so we live in Hawaii and it's a shytty metaphor, but stay with me dammit!!!) So what does she do? She goes outside and decides to catch a few. Meanwhile, on the other side of town, I glance out my window and see...

...not a damn thing!!!! So I continue on and eventually head off on deployment. Well she would send me emails daily flirting with me and such and talking about this and talking about that. We pretty much kept in touch and that was cool until one day she tells me that she is mad at me. I'm tripping because I don't understand how someone could be mad at someone who wasn't even around. I glance at the last couple of emails to see where this might be coming from and then I am hit with this:
"I heard from Eve that she saw you on this dating site hugging three girls. It made me sick!"

I start tripping. I mean, she wrote it with attitude. I wasn't worried about it because we weren't together, but it took me all of one minute before I became furious as hell. First of all, why would Eve, who was trying to hook us up, even do anything like that when she didn't know anything about what was going on in the picture? After all the talks we've had, even though her and ol' boy aren't together, why wouldn't she ask me what was up? Did she want to make sure her friend wasn't happy too? Oh, I forgot to put out that she even told Agent Skully that she wanted to f*ck me at one time. What was that about? Secondly, why bring this BS to me when you know we ain't together like that? Why even approach me with some BS like this? And the pic? The pic she was talking about came from a blog on this site!

Okay, so how did she know about the picture? I will tell you how.
[Putting on the houndstooth deerstalker cap with earflaps. Firing up the pipe]
She was probing through Myspace. After coming across my profile, she decided to click on it. Looking it over, which either happened on the first or second time she came across my page, because not too many people click on everything, she decided to check out the link to my blogs. This, then, brought her to Blogger and my page. Reading my blogs, she came across the picture with my drunk ass hugging the three Aussie females. She made her assumptions. She then called her friend.

Now, what still gets me is why did she feel the need, and Agent Skully told me that she begged for her to see it, to try to start something? Why was she so adamant about showing her??? Did she think that she was messing up something for me? Did she think I cared? I was more pissed off at the fact that they had the nerve to bring it to me like I did something wrong. Did I sleep with ol' girl on the far left? Nope. Would I have if I wasn't as drunk as I was? Hell yeah!!! (If you read the "Who's covering my six?" post, you will see how that jacked up night turned out)

J will tell you that I probably f*cked up more chances with females by being too drunk than the amount of woman I have been with since she's known me. Then again, I do creep a lot. But let's say, case in point..."hot latina/black chick in the red dress"...I think I coulda got her...probably...maybe...okay, focus.

Anyway, I'm just venting. Well, now we aren't as cool as we used to be, Agent Skully and I, but I do thank you for sending me the 3 bottles of Dial shower soap. I still got a present for you too. This tripped me out, but now I do believe it. Triflin' ass chicks???? THEY ARE OUT THERE!!!!